Strain Headlines: Ultraviolent security measures make a splash in NY
Time moves a bit oddly in this show. Last week Ballsy stormed out of the Mayor’s office saying she was gonna executive every f*&ing last one of those things on Statten Island, and true to her word, she’s done it. I got a ‘next day’ vibe from the other storylines, so girl moves FAST. We get to see Travis, who’s been missing in action since he quit holding Van Pelt’s bed pan, make his way through the island’s security and to his brother’s place. Security consists of shining a torch down your throat to see if there’s a 6 foot snake down there. No one’s spread the word about ultraviolet yet, obviously.
Filch is up to something, showing doddery hands as he collects worms and goo from the severed neck of a vamp, then starts brewing something with ye olde alchemy set. Not hard to guess when we’ve seen Van Pelt dancing in the rain after a dose of something from The Count. The plotpoint Changeling has naturally buggered off from safety and the Brains Trust rushes into the night to find him. Luckily he was waiting for the bus the whole time and Ephwit races the bus to stop it. Good thing lady driver only had a baseball bat. The Changeling continues to scowl and hiss until it gets taken to where Ephwit and Nora are testing their plague on the redshirt couple. More scowling and hissing as he refuses to listen to the good doctors, who then leave him alone in the same room where they had the hundred tubes of lethal pathogens lying around last week. Much smashing of lab equipment ensues, quelle surprise. The only way to convince anyone that there is no cure is a full autopsy, demonstrating that none of the internal organs of a human are in there. Please put a bullet in this kid.
For a horror story where love is a prime motivator, this show does a terrible job of making it relate to the audience, instead just using it as a throw away connection to advance the plot. Its effect is as elastic and convenient as the grenade and worm splash variables I’ve griped about before.
Fetch head off to collapse the subway nearby. A plan that will never work, since TV has established that there’s always another level of tunnels under anywhere in NY. Dutch is all gooey over a ‘have you seen’ poster of her girlfriend and wants to find out what lgf’s mom knows. This seems another pointless exercise, since y’know… posters? Lgf’s mom tears strips off Dutch for being a horrible person, driving her back into Ratman’s arms hard. Not really into his arms per se, but there are children reading. I think I saw him give the mom a wink and a wave. Yup real healthy relationship going here.
The were-bunnies are planning to kidnap Van Pelt, unaware that Filch and Ratman’s little stunt at Costco has caused security to pucker up tight. It’s a cool break-in that’s going swimmingly for them, except Van Pelt’s been alerted and has gone to his panic room. He’s a bit upset to have to tip his hand, but he presses the big red button that was obviously reserved for dealing with an Eichwitz emergency, and the were-bunnies get taken out by an ultraviolent ultraviolet stage show and pit trap that works better than Walter White’s last hurrah. I mean, top marks. You kinda feel for the bunnies but holy shit that was genius. Bolivar will have gotten a tan just from being in the same building. Gus escapes. So is he going back to look after the Masters? Would you?
The ep finishes with redshirt #2 seeming to be ready for release. Redshirt #1 died too soon to infect others, but how will they know that the variant #2 has is going to kill him at all? They really should have more test subjects. I think they’ve Eph’d up big time.
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